Choosing Joy

I love this picture of my boys. It was taken about 4.5 years ago. The absolute joy and happiness on their faces brings me to tears. Happy tears. You see, at this point in time while I had overcome a lot on my depression journey, I still had a long way to go. The boys did not see this kind of “happy” on display from their mommy very often so seeing it ooze from them was not only breathtaking, but reassuring that I wasn’t screwing them up! I was moving one day at a time. I never lived in the moment. Always worried about the “next”.

Joy is defined in many different ways. In fact, it looks different for each of us. And, for most of us, it is a conscious heart choice. As time has progressed, joy comes more frequent and more freely, but some days I still have to make a decision in my heart to be joyful because my brain isn’t always on the same page. My brain sees all the “stuff”…sick kids, sick dogs, husband’s crazy work schedule, mounds and mounds of laundry (who bought all these clothes anyway?), dirty bathrooms, grocery shopping, paying the bills, making doctor appointments, work, and everything else that has to be done.

Friend, I get it. I am just like you. Life is hard. Maybe it is not what you expected or what you wanted. Take a deep breath.

Joy. Choose it in the mess and madness. Choose to laugh. It may take some practice and patience, but I promise if you work this muscle – your joyful heart muscle – it will become easier with time. One more thing – stop listening to the lies that you will never be happy again. The whispers you hear in the stillness and dark when your head hits the pillow that taunt you and say you will always be sad and scared…those are lies. Tell them to be silent. You are meant for joy and happiness. Sometimes – actually, almost always – we have to make a choice to hear truth louder than the lies. You ARE joy! Live it in!