A New Season

Merriam-Webster defines Advocate as ‘to support or argue for: to plead in favor of; to act as an advocate for someone or something.’

I have advocated for a few things in my lifetime. Three very important things to date: my two sons and, most recently, the best father-in-love a girl could ever have. When our youngest son, Ti, was born I learned real quick how to advocate for his needs. He needed a lot from day one. I didn’t always get it right, and there was a lot of trial and error. Sometimes my emotions spilled right of out of my heart and I spoke in a less than favorable manner (or my face said something it probably should have held in for later). But that’s okay – when you love someone and believe in something you put all your love and energy into making sure they have all they need. Over time I learned how to advocate for Aaron too – just in a different way. They are both very different and require different things, but deserve their mom to be their most valiant advocate all the same.

I’m a strong advocate. Fierce. I don’t take someone’s word at face value. I want to know the when, why and how, too.

In the last six weeks I’ve become an advocate for Joe’s dad. I never imagined that would be the case. Let me tell you though, I would do it a million and one times over. This man has always been there for me and our family. There have been times when I’ve needed something and he has literally dropped what he was doing and come to my rescue. That is just who he is. The boys have wanted for nothing when it comes to things within Pop Pop’s control. They have been on countless adventures. Pop has gone swimming in the pool with them when the water was too cold for mom and dad. (I’m a sissy when it comes to cold water.) He has taken the boys fishing and allowed Joe to tag along. He has been to every school program and church program the boys have ever been in. He looked at me the day Joe and I got married and said “I only want one thing. I want a grandbaby when you come home from your honeymoon.” 🙂

Y’all, the last six weeks have been incredibly hard. Incredibly scary. Incredibly exhausting. He has declined at a pace we didn’t know was possible. Joe and I left for a three-night getaway on December 27 and that was the last time we “saw” Bob. When we came home on December 30 the Bob we had always known was gone. It happened that fast. That fast. Yes, he’s been fighting this evil disease called dementia for a few years, but he’s done it in a way that very few people would have ever expected. We knew. He knew we knew, but never talked about it. My mother-in-love is equally amazing. She has been trying to live “normally” for a couple years. She’s beyond exhausted trying to disguise the inevitable reality.

Honestly, I’m advocating for both right now. He needs the correct level of care. She needs peace of mind.

I’m grateful we have an advocate. The bible tells us the Holy Spirit is our advocate. The Greek word paraclete means advocate or helper. 1 John 2:1 (NLT) says “we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father.” And John 14:15-17 (NLT) says “If you love me, obey my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth.” Thank goodness! Just as my children have needed me to advocate on their behalf, and now my in-loves, I’ve needed (and need) the Holy Spirit as my advocate and helper.

Listen, I know all of us fight battles every day and many of us stand in the gap and fight for someone else. My best friend has been her husband’s caregiver for almost 4 years. I have always tried to be there for her (and him) and I pray for them daily, but until recently I did not – and could not – understand the true depth of what she was experiencing on a daily basis. Here’s my point…lean in and let the Holy Spirit advocate for you. Lean in and rest. You aren’t alone. We aren’t meant to carry the weight and burden alone. I’ve had to remind myself many times in the last 6 weeks that I need to lean in a little more closely to my heavenly daddy. He is not surprised by the turn of events. He was not taken off guard. He isn’t afraid of my fear, anger and questioning. He is a big God and He can handle all of me. And lately there has been a LOT of me to handle! In the quietness of lonely car drives I talk to Him and cry. I ask a lot of questions. I tell Him I’m scared and angry. He tells me it’s okay. That’s who He is.