Grief. What a heavy topic, huh? To be totally honest, I have been putting off writing and publishing this post for over a week. Why? Because it brings about raw, real emotion. Emotion that I would rather keep tucked away. (Not healthy, by the way.)
The man in the picture…my PawPaw. The best. There will never be another. I have so many memories. All good. I remember being about 6 years old in Engelhard, NC at my great-grandma’s house. All my family, and extended family, went to the outer banks while PawPaw and I stayed back. I was sick and he spent the day with me instead of going on a fun trip. I will never forget spending that day with PawPaw. Then there was the time I was 7 or 8 and we spent the day on the boat on the river. We anchored, jumped out, and he began digging for oysters with his toes. “Adrian, come here, honey.” He pulled out his pocket knife, split the shell and, because I trusted him, I opened my mouth and let him throw that thing right in! Y’all, I would never do that now!!
March 5th is PawPaw’s birthday. March 9th is mine. For as long as I can remember we celebrated our birthdays together. I looked forward to that March birthday trip to VA every year. Now it has been a couple years. Oh, what I would give to make that trip and celebrate one more birthday.
Grief…it’s a sneaky little booger. It shows up when you least expect. It’s a smell, a sound, a touch, a place. It’s the thing that connects you to them.
Y’all, if I could have one more day. Just one more. But I can’t. It doesn’t work that way. He always made me feel special. I knew he was in my corner – no matter what. It’s been two and a half years and I can still hear him say my name. I can see him put sour cream on his biscuit, eat it with pleasure and then push his chair back ever so gently from the table to signal he was finished. I can feel his kiss on my forehead and cheek.
Friend, when grief comes, give yourself some space…space to grieve. Speaking from experience, it is so much easier to deal with it when it comes instead of shoving it so far down that when it finally does surface it comes out like an eruption.
And know this – you are not alone. We all grieve.
One more thing…be kind. You never know who is missing their “birthday buddy.”
Warriors and Ashes 