Ripple Effects

There is a small pond about a mile from our house. We pass it every day – sometimes multiple times a day. About a week ago something caught my attention when I passed. The pond was full of ripples. The ripples were bigger in the middle and got smaller as they reached the banks. I thought to myself “what in the world could be in that pond causing all that ruckus?” A duck. Y’all, a duck was creating waves in a pond. It was bobbing its head up and down and all I could see was its tail feathers.

It is funny how in our lives something so small – or seemingly small – can create such a ripple effect. But even the small things affect some aspect of everything. We tell our boys that every choice has a consequence – positive or negative. In essence, every thing we do will affect something or someone else. It’s true for all of us. ALL of us.

Over the last couple years we’ve had to make some pretty tough decisions for us and our kids. Choices others made were creating ripples – waves actually – that were affecting our little family in unhealthy ways. Due to those choices and the negative consequences that followed, Joe and I had to react with choices creating positive consequences to protect our kiddos. Boundaries. We set boundaries.

Y’all, boundaries can keep the ripples from reaching the banks. If there had been a dam in the pond (creating a boundary) the ripples created by the duck would’ve never crossed the pond. That day I was reminded that boundaries are necessary. And Joe pointed out that if water doesn’t have boundaries it will go where ever it wants to go. Whew. That’s deep. Think about that for a minute. I’m so glad I married such a wise man!

Friend, I’m all too familiar with the feeling of loneliness that often accompanies setting boundaries – especially with family. Can I let you in on a little secret? The loneliness only lasts as long as you allow. The thief of joy and peace is feeding the lie that you are outcast because you are making the tough decisions. He wants you to believe you are creating the ripples. For some that may be true. A good gauge? If the drama doesn’t stop and your home remains unsettled after the boundaries are in place, it may be time to reassess your situation. Please hear me – I say that in love because I’ve been on that side, too (many moons ago).

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel guilty for setting boundaries for yourself and your children. It took way too many years for me to realize the health – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual – that abounds within the borders of where you feel safe.

Is it time for boundaries? I pray that if it is you learn how to set healthy ones. Oh, and not all boundaries are concrete…forever. Some are made with a pliable material. As people grow and change the boundaries may need to move a little too.